insomnia strikes again

Well, it's late to say the least. I mean, it's only 1:12, but I can't sleep. I'm tired, maybe even sleepy, but I'm too nervous and excited about starting work tomorrow. I guess it's a valid excuse.

My darling girl is fast asleep, while Miss Girly-Q (a.k.a. Belly) is fast asleep on her dog pad. I did hear Belly whimper a few times, and I know she must miss her mom very much. I miss mine, too. But, nonetheless, Jen is barely able to make out even an "uh huh," since her last responses to my loving whispers were merely "uh," which I think is the beginning of an "uh huh."

We've done a lot of taping, all unscripted so far, but I am thinking of writing something for us to act out. I think it'd be great. I'm such a dork when it comes to my true passions.

I wonder if I'll be able to attend Thursday's Drinking Liberally. I hope so. I sure do miss Susan and Aric and Felicity and Kai. I don't know how much Kai actually comes, but he's a member of the Green Party, and I just love chatting with him. Susan was very welcoming to me, as well as Aric was, when I first showed up, but they've only become closer members to my heart since then. I truly hope to see them soon. What great friends!

I've got 84 product reviews posted online, and I guess that means I only have 16 left to do to make my check quota. We'll see how it goes. I've actually just taped about 12 new videos, I think, or maybe it's 8? Either way, when I get home from work tomorrow, I'm going to start uploading them. So, work ends, work begins.

We celebrated at the ABC tonight. My employment status, that is. My drug screening went fine, which was great news. Jen didn't have a doubt about it, but of course, I did. That's just how I am. I wait for everything possible to go wrong.

Unfortunately, we had invited Young Christopher, Erin, and Vanessa and Will to come celebrate with us, but none were able to make it. YC is about to finish his classes for the summer, Erin is probably still in Alaska, and Vanessa never called us back. Strange. She is probably fast asleep now. It's hard to know. Maybe she has an early morning like I do. Sad, though, that no one really cared about celebrating. It upset Jen a little, but I'm okay. I had a Makers and Coke.

Apparently, I've been having really weird dreams. I've had the ones where Jen punches me in the face. I have those a lot, come to think of it, but I had one where we had a baby and Jen got tired of hearing it cry. She duct-taped it's nose and mouth shut until it eventually suffocated. Strange, I know. I tried to tell her that I'm just not used to someone being in such control of my emotions other than me, and that all the shit I've taken from others: Shataya, my dad, etc., (Jen says it's good that it stops with me and I don't treat others the same way, but) all that has to go somewhere, so I think it comes out in my dreams. I tried explaining it to her, but she was falling asleep. She'll read this tomorrow, I'm sure.

Anyway, I hope she knows that she has my entire heart, and as cowardly as I've been in not making sure she never has a doubt about it, I feel brave now in telling her. It's the truth. I mean, neither of us would have made it through the past two semesters of school had it not been for one another. And that's a beautiful thing.

I can't explain it. She's just mapped out in the constellations of my freckles. And, perhaps, I in her's.

Goodnight all.

marshall and stephen

just a little something for hoss

leo's party- strong language

hammer family dinner

new mini-film

a trip to the waterfalls