Sunday, December 30, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Saturday, November 10, 2007
thought it was about time
...that I posted again.
Let's see. Of all the things there is to talk about, the things I need to talk about, I can't. Not just because this is not the place for them, but also because I don't even know the words to express them. Some would say my lexicon is not equipped to talk about these things, if anything at all.
So, things have been going well. I've been working, doing schoolwork, and watching Queer as Folk with my lover. I wish for a friend almost every time I make a wish, and I'm believing less and less in wishes.
This is not to say I have time for a friend, nor that I have the energy. My primary job is school, and I couldn't be happier about that. I like doing my work, and my spare time is spent in Jen's room or in her arms, and those places are precisely where I want to be when I'm trying to relax. Or anytime for that matter.
Now, I'm working on a research paper while old movies play in the background. Jen is in a class making a chap book, but I can't help but wish she was here with me. It's completely selfish and fairly insecure for me to feel this way, but what can I do? I'm in love. It's a love that my extended family can't know about since I'm not even near the sidewalk, much less the road, to acceptance from them. I'm stuck in the grass listening to my cousin tell me that she's in love, engaged, and getting married.
(In the absence of her mother, I said, "You know, I'm in love, too." She told me how her mom is "a little weird about it," because she was raised Southern Baptist. It's funny that religion comes before relatives. Even though it's reversed alphabetical order.)
School is good, stressful and crazy, but good.
Work is getting busier and busier since it's the holiday season. I've already heard all the Christmas music I care for and it's not even Thanksgiving yet.
Our relationship is in a good place. I've been trying to do nice things and be a good girlfriend, providing for her needs and trying to keep her content. Happiness is probably impossible, but the ability to be content, I think I can provide. Somehow it doesn't feel like enough.
I have less and less time to spend with Jen, and she'll be leaving me after next semester. There are wonderful things in her future, and I know she'll be fantastic, but we'll both be up Shit Creek when we're apart. We've become so accustomed to being together. It feels good, but it's unsettling, since, soon enough, we'll both be unsteady and shaking in the middle of summer. Or maybe I'll be the only one who's shaking. Maybe that's the best.
To leave on a good note, here we go.
On the Golden Girls show, I love the way Bea Arthur leaves a room.
More later or sooner. Whichever comes last.
Let's see. Of all the things there is to talk about, the things I need to talk about, I can't. Not just because this is not the place for them, but also because I don't even know the words to express them. Some would say my lexicon is not equipped to talk about these things, if anything at all.
So, things have been going well. I've been working, doing schoolwork, and watching Queer as Folk with my lover. I wish for a friend almost every time I make a wish, and I'm believing less and less in wishes.
This is not to say I have time for a friend, nor that I have the energy. My primary job is school, and I couldn't be happier about that. I like doing my work, and my spare time is spent in Jen's room or in her arms, and those places are precisely where I want to be when I'm trying to relax. Or anytime for that matter.
Now, I'm working on a research paper while old movies play in the background. Jen is in a class making a chap book, but I can't help but wish she was here with me. It's completely selfish and fairly insecure for me to feel this way, but what can I do? I'm in love. It's a love that my extended family can't know about since I'm not even near the sidewalk, much less the road, to acceptance from them. I'm stuck in the grass listening to my cousin tell me that she's in love, engaged, and getting married.
(In the absence of her mother, I said, "You know, I'm in love, too." She told me how her mom is "a little weird about it," because she was raised Southern Baptist. It's funny that religion comes before relatives. Even though it's reversed alphabetical order.)
School is good, stressful and crazy, but good.
Work is getting busier and busier since it's the holiday season. I've already heard all the Christmas music I care for and it's not even Thanksgiving yet.
Our relationship is in a good place. I've been trying to do nice things and be a good girlfriend, providing for her needs and trying to keep her content. Happiness is probably impossible, but the ability to be content, I think I can provide. Somehow it doesn't feel like enough.
I have less and less time to spend with Jen, and she'll be leaving me after next semester. There are wonderful things in her future, and I know she'll be fantastic, but we'll both be up Shit Creek when we're apart. We've become so accustomed to being together. It feels good, but it's unsettling, since, soon enough, we'll both be unsteady and shaking in the middle of summer. Or maybe I'll be the only one who's shaking. Maybe that's the best.
To leave on a good note, here we go.
On the Golden Girls show, I love the way Bea Arthur leaves a room.
More later or sooner. Whichever comes last.
Friday, September 28, 2007
work soon
I've got to go to work soon, but I wanted to post this very important bit of information. I've said the rest.
I love you with all my heart.
I don't want anyone but you.
You make me a better person.
I love you more every moment.
I just get scared sometimes and say things that I shouldn't, things that just come out of my mouth and things that I haven't thought through.
I apologize, and I love you. I just hope you believe me.
And I wish that I could be for you what you are for me.
Let me know if you think I can.
I love you with all my heart.
I don't want anyone but you.
You make me a better person.
I love you more every moment.
I just get scared sometimes and say things that I shouldn't, things that just come out of my mouth and things that I haven't thought through.
I apologize, and I love you. I just hope you believe me.
And I wish that I could be for you what you are for me.
Let me know if you think I can.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
medicated
So, my medicine is beginning to stabilize and I'm hoping that no one thinks I'm crazy, but then again, it's none of my business what others think about me.
Having passion without becoming disenchanted. Using talent without fear. Having enough space in my head to hold all the information I willingly seek and take in. This is what I'm working on. Well, among many other things.
Things are good, getting better every day. Sadly, my ethnography became a bust, and I'm going to have to let my professor in on that, but not until he grades my take-home exam in which I exalted how much I want to do this particular ethnography and said, "I just want to learn everything!" Maybe I was being manic. Maybe not. Maybe that was my natural state that gets stepped on so often. I should let my freak flag fly. I really should. And I will.
I got his book and even though I haven't been able to read it yet, I realized that, like most of the population, "the world lives for the weekends," and I bet that he is teaching as a break, or otherwise a vehicle, for going back to the land of the nomad pastoralists. I know he's married, so I'm sure he loves his wife, but I think his heart is there. How wonderful and at the same time wonderfully tragic it would be to be in a place, stuck with -worst case scenario- a bunch of students that don't give a fuck about anthropology with only one or two that truly take it seriously, while your heart is going out to those that live completely different lives than you. Not that they are victims. Not that he's a victim. Quite the contrary. I bet he longs for the life-expectancy and livelihood of the people there. I bet he looks at American culture and thinks, "What a waste, what a consumerist police state..." I bet he thinks about the people that are so far away from him and wishes that he was singing and dancing with them. Sometimes, I think that way, too.
I wonder how many of my professors feel this way and are only here as a short break from their passions. I hope few. I'd hate to think that I'm here working so hard, after working so hard to get here, and they are the ones not putting their hearts into it. I must disengage from that thought now.
My best friend finished serving his time for his second DUI yesterday. I gave him my congratulations and told him that "it's only gonna get better from here." I believe that, and if he believes that, too, it will. Above and beyond.
The first roommate I had here dated the guy that just died in the dorm over. That's been shaking me quite a bit. They are taking him for an autopsy and I don't know that the school will ever release the real information, but I'm sure the people that knew him know what happened. There might have been people there that left so they wouldn't get into trouble, and I find that incredibly sad. I worry that when people share a hobby, their friends might be just hobby-friends and may really not care at all. Love to the people going through that.
Love to all the people living. Life is not always fair, not always happy. Sometimes life is hard, but if we look at the love that pokes through even the bad times, we'll see through the bad, and the joy will give us more pleasure than we could have imagined otherwise.
Back to Feminist Methodologies. Goodnight.
Having passion without becoming disenchanted. Using talent without fear. Having enough space in my head to hold all the information I willingly seek and take in. This is what I'm working on. Well, among many other things.
Things are good, getting better every day. Sadly, my ethnography became a bust, and I'm going to have to let my professor in on that, but not until he grades my take-home exam in which I exalted how much I want to do this particular ethnography and said, "I just want to learn everything!" Maybe I was being manic. Maybe not. Maybe that was my natural state that gets stepped on so often. I should let my freak flag fly. I really should. And I will.
I got his book and even though I haven't been able to read it yet, I realized that, like most of the population, "the world lives for the weekends," and I bet that he is teaching as a break, or otherwise a vehicle, for going back to the land of the nomad pastoralists. I know he's married, so I'm sure he loves his wife, but I think his heart is there. How wonderful and at the same time wonderfully tragic it would be to be in a place, stuck with -worst case scenario- a bunch of students that don't give a fuck about anthropology with only one or two that truly take it seriously, while your heart is going out to those that live completely different lives than you. Not that they are victims. Not that he's a victim. Quite the contrary. I bet he longs for the life-expectancy and livelihood of the people there. I bet he looks at American culture and thinks, "What a waste, what a consumerist police state..." I bet he thinks about the people that are so far away from him and wishes that he was singing and dancing with them. Sometimes, I think that way, too.
I wonder how many of my professors feel this way and are only here as a short break from their passions. I hope few. I'd hate to think that I'm here working so hard, after working so hard to get here, and they are the ones not putting their hearts into it. I must disengage from that thought now.
My best friend finished serving his time for his second DUI yesterday. I gave him my congratulations and told him that "it's only gonna get better from here." I believe that, and if he believes that, too, it will. Above and beyond.
The first roommate I had here dated the guy that just died in the dorm over. That's been shaking me quite a bit. They are taking him for an autopsy and I don't know that the school will ever release the real information, but I'm sure the people that knew him know what happened. There might have been people there that left so they wouldn't get into trouble, and I find that incredibly sad. I worry that when people share a hobby, their friends might be just hobby-friends and may really not care at all. Love to the people going through that.
Love to all the people living. Life is not always fair, not always happy. Sometimes life is hard, but if we look at the love that pokes through even the bad times, we'll see through the bad, and the joy will give us more pleasure than we could have imagined otherwise.
Back to Feminist Methodologies. Goodnight.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
new head doctor
I just saw a new psychiatrist today. She's from Barbados. She put me on a new mood stabilizer that will hopefully work for me. She says that, with all hope, I may be able to drop the anti-anxiety medication I'm taking now and that this may be all I need.
I went to the drug store but they have to order it, so it may not be in until tomorrow or the day after. In this case, it's a good thing I took myself off the mood stabilizer from before since I can go right into this one- gradually, I mean- and I should become a better aquaintance with gravity soon.
The pharmacist was really sweet and I was almost overwhelmed by her way of showing care to me. She didn't know me from anyone else, but when she asked if I would mind to wait, tears welled up in my eyes and I said, "I need relief as soon as I can get it." She replied, "I know you do."
(Thank you, Miss Pharmacist lady. I'm impressed with your knowledge and I appreciate your reassurance that there's something better out there for me. You made my day, and I love you. Thanks for not looking at me like I'm some sort of freak and thanks for treating me like a real person. Next time I'm in, I'll fill out a comment card all about you.)
I'm glad to be back in school, but academics pushes my panic button, no matter how passionate I am about it. It's back to studying all the time and never getting enough done- enough to be finished, enough to feel like I'm ahead.
This is a kind of downbeat entry, and I hate to be writing this kind of thing, but I am sad and afraid at this time. I'm trying to make too many life decisions that I shouldn't be worrying with yet. I'm trying not to wear a mask, but sometimes it helps to walk with my chin up, even when it feels like it's being scraped up by the concrete below my feet. I need to remember how far I've come, how much I really have accomplished, and encourage myself to never give up, never rest. Keep pushing.
I aspire to be a
compassionate observer.
I want to trust in me again, and therefore,
in others.
Meanwhile, I'm going to give my love to a girl, and to a dog named Mojo. They'll never know how much they give me.
I went to the drug store but they have to order it, so it may not be in until tomorrow or the day after. In this case, it's a good thing I took myself off the mood stabilizer from before since I can go right into this one- gradually, I mean- and I should become a better aquaintance with gravity soon.
The pharmacist was really sweet and I was almost overwhelmed by her way of showing care to me. She didn't know me from anyone else, but when she asked if I would mind to wait, tears welled up in my eyes and I said, "I need relief as soon as I can get it." She replied, "I know you do."
(Thank you, Miss Pharmacist lady. I'm impressed with your knowledge and I appreciate your reassurance that there's something better out there for me. You made my day, and I love you. Thanks for not looking at me like I'm some sort of freak and thanks for treating me like a real person. Next time I'm in, I'll fill out a comment card all about you.)
I'm glad to be back in school, but academics pushes my panic button, no matter how passionate I am about it. It's back to studying all the time and never getting enough done- enough to be finished, enough to feel like I'm ahead.
This is a kind of downbeat entry, and I hate to be writing this kind of thing, but I am sad and afraid at this time. I'm trying to make too many life decisions that I shouldn't be worrying with yet. I'm trying not to wear a mask, but sometimes it helps to walk with my chin up, even when it feels like it's being scraped up by the concrete below my feet. I need to remember how far I've come, how much I really have accomplished, and encourage myself to never give up, never rest. Keep pushing.
I aspire to be a
compassionate observer.
I want to trust in me again, and therefore,
in others.
Meanwhile, I'm going to give my love to a girl, and to a dog named Mojo. They'll never know how much they give me.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Saturday, July 28, 2007
tv box set my ass
I'm still waiting for Ally McBeal, the complete series, to come in. It was shipped on July 5th and was supposed to be delivered between July 18th and July 21st. I've emailed Canada Post as well as the company that shipped it. Argh. I'm fed up and if this is a scam, I'll take legal action.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Friday, July 6, 2007
I just don't know if I can ever love a dog this much again. Isabel is the greatest, sweetest, well-behaved, well-mannered and quirky dog I have ever known. I'm having oh-so-much fun here.
Jen and I decided that she shares a stronger bond with Boudreaux and I have a stronger bond with Belly. We love them equally. I think this must be how parents feel, right?
However, I relate more with Boudreaux and I don't know if the opposite is true for Jen or not. But. I think she's more like Belly, which would explain why I am so enchanted over this freakin' dog. And maybe since Boudreaux is such the playful type, brave-ish, and wears his heart on his...ear, maybe...well, that might just be why Jen is so magnetized to him!
Anyway, I've been meaning to post this.
Other news...
Hoping to make it to next week's DL at the ABC. If you're down with the term-age, you'll know WTF I'm talking about. Yeah.
Much love to all.
Jen and I decided that she shares a stronger bond with Boudreaux and I have a stronger bond with Belly. We love them equally. I think this must be how parents feel, right?
However, I relate more with Boudreaux and I don't know if the opposite is true for Jen or not. But. I think she's more like Belly, which would explain why I am so enchanted over this freakin' dog. And maybe since Boudreaux is such the playful type, brave-ish, and wears his heart on his...ear, maybe...well, that might just be why Jen is so magnetized to him!
Anyway, I've been meaning to post this.
Other news...
Hoping to make it to next week's DL at the ABC. If you're down with the term-age, you'll know WTF I'm talking about. Yeah.
Much love to all.
Monday, June 25, 2007
insomnia strikes again
Well, it's late to say the least. I mean, it's only 1:12, but I can't sleep. I'm tired, maybe even sleepy, but I'm too nervous and excited about starting work tomorrow. I guess it's a valid excuse.
My darling girl is fast asleep, while Miss Girly-Q (a.k.a. Belly) is fast asleep on her dog pad. I did hear Belly whimper a few times, and I know she must miss her mom very much. I miss mine, too. But, nonetheless, Jen is barely able to make out even an "uh huh," since her last responses to my loving whispers were merely "uh," which I think is the beginning of an "uh huh."
We've done a lot of taping, all unscripted so far, but I am thinking of writing something for us to act out. I think it'd be great. I'm such a dork when it comes to my true passions.
I wonder if I'll be able to attend Thursday's Drinking Liberally. I hope so. I sure do miss Susan and Aric and Felicity and Kai. I don't know how much Kai actually comes, but he's a member of the Green Party, and I just love chatting with him. Susan was very welcoming to me, as well as Aric was, when I first showed up, but they've only become closer members to my heart since then. I truly hope to see them soon. What great friends!
I've got 84 product reviews posted online, and I guess that means I only have 16 left to do to make my check quota. We'll see how it goes. I've actually just taped about 12 new videos, I think, or maybe it's 8? Either way, when I get home from work tomorrow, I'm going to start uploading them. So, work ends, work begins.
We celebrated at the ABC tonight. My employment status, that is. My drug screening went fine, which was great news. Jen didn't have a doubt about it, but of course, I did. That's just how I am. I wait for everything possible to go wrong.
Unfortunately, we had invited Young Christopher, Erin, and Vanessa and Will to come celebrate with us, but none were able to make it. YC is about to finish his classes for the summer, Erin is probably still in Alaska, and Vanessa never called us back. Strange. She is probably fast asleep now. It's hard to know. Maybe she has an early morning like I do. Sad, though, that no one really cared about celebrating. It upset Jen a little, but I'm okay. I had a Makers and Coke.
Apparently, I've been having really weird dreams. I've had the ones where Jen punches me in the face. I have those a lot, come to think of it, but I had one where we had a baby and Jen got tired of hearing it cry. She duct-taped it's nose and mouth shut until it eventually suffocated. Strange, I know. I tried to tell her that I'm just not used to someone being in such control of my emotions other than me, and that all the shit I've taken from others: Shataya, my dad, etc., (Jen says it's good that it stops with me and I don't treat others the same way, but) all that has to go somewhere, so I think it comes out in my dreams. I tried explaining it to her, but she was falling asleep. She'll read this tomorrow, I'm sure.
Anyway, I hope she knows that she has my entire heart, and as cowardly as I've been in not making sure she never has a doubt about it, I feel brave now in telling her. It's the truth. I mean, neither of us would have made it through the past two semesters of school had it not been for one another. And that's a beautiful thing.
I can't explain it. She's just mapped out in the constellations of my freckles. And, perhaps, I in her's.
Goodnight all.
My darling girl is fast asleep, while Miss Girly-Q (a.k.a. Belly) is fast asleep on her dog pad. I did hear Belly whimper a few times, and I know she must miss her mom very much. I miss mine, too. But, nonetheless, Jen is barely able to make out even an "uh huh," since her last responses to my loving whispers were merely "uh," which I think is the beginning of an "uh huh."
We've done a lot of taping, all unscripted so far, but I am thinking of writing something for us to act out. I think it'd be great. I'm such a dork when it comes to my true passions.
I wonder if I'll be able to attend Thursday's Drinking Liberally. I hope so. I sure do miss Susan and Aric and Felicity and Kai. I don't know how much Kai actually comes, but he's a member of the Green Party, and I just love chatting with him. Susan was very welcoming to me, as well as Aric was, when I first showed up, but they've only become closer members to my heart since then. I truly hope to see them soon. What great friends!
I've got 84 product reviews posted online, and I guess that means I only have 16 left to do to make my check quota. We'll see how it goes. I've actually just taped about 12 new videos, I think, or maybe it's 8? Either way, when I get home from work tomorrow, I'm going to start uploading them. So, work ends, work begins.
We celebrated at the ABC tonight. My employment status, that is. My drug screening went fine, which was great news. Jen didn't have a doubt about it, but of course, I did. That's just how I am. I wait for everything possible to go wrong.
Unfortunately, we had invited Young Christopher, Erin, and Vanessa and Will to come celebrate with us, but none were able to make it. YC is about to finish his classes for the summer, Erin is probably still in Alaska, and Vanessa never called us back. Strange. She is probably fast asleep now. It's hard to know. Maybe she has an early morning like I do. Sad, though, that no one really cared about celebrating. It upset Jen a little, but I'm okay. I had a Makers and Coke.
Apparently, I've been having really weird dreams. I've had the ones where Jen punches me in the face. I have those a lot, come to think of it, but I had one where we had a baby and Jen got tired of hearing it cry. She duct-taped it's nose and mouth shut until it eventually suffocated. Strange, I know. I tried to tell her that I'm just not used to someone being in such control of my emotions other than me, and that all the shit I've taken from others: Shataya, my dad, etc., (Jen says it's good that it stops with me and I don't treat others the same way, but) all that has to go somewhere, so I think it comes out in my dreams. I tried explaining it to her, but she was falling asleep. She'll read this tomorrow, I'm sure.
Anyway, I hope she knows that she has my entire heart, and as cowardly as I've been in not making sure she never has a doubt about it, I feel brave now in telling her. It's the truth. I mean, neither of us would have made it through the past two semesters of school had it not been for one another. And that's a beautiful thing.
I can't explain it. She's just mapped out in the constellations of my freckles. And, perhaps, I in her's.
Goodnight all.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Friday, June 8, 2007
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
money money money
That's what I need. Here's what is going to happen in the next month or so...
1.) Pawn video camera today. Hope for more than $50. It's a Digital 8, and I need to upgrade to a MiniDV, but I won't be able to do that for a year at least.
2.) I'm thinking about pawning or selling to a music shop my Peavey Raptor guitar. Whichever is a better buy.
3.) Get a job at Hungry Mother Park as a server until I move to Asheville again.
4.) In Asheville, dog/house sit for Dr. H.
5.) Work 40 hrs per week in the Biltmore Estate Winery for two months...June14-July 30ish.
6.) Sell ads for Out in Asheville magazine. Commission only.
I've got a few other entrepreneur ideas, but I don't know how legit they'd be. I thought about prostituting, but c'mon. I can't even handle it, so that was never a serious thought. HA.
I'm hoping to come up with some more stuff, but my checks from school working will be coming in soon and help me out. I don't want to just end up out of the negative. I want to end up in the positive, you know?
Stevo and I have been watching some Youtube since I hadn't even seen JT's videos. We watched some Fiona and she seems possessed when she sings. I find that kind of funny. She's witchy, you know, like Stevie Nicks. Mm.
Anyway, that's the news for now. We've got a lot more to get done today, so I'm going to sign off, but thanks again for reading. More posts soon.
1.) Pawn video camera today. Hope for more than $50. It's a Digital 8, and I need to upgrade to a MiniDV, but I won't be able to do that for a year at least.
2.) I'm thinking about pawning or selling to a music shop my Peavey Raptor guitar. Whichever is a better buy.
3.) Get a job at Hungry Mother Park as a server until I move to Asheville again.
4.) In Asheville, dog/house sit for Dr. H.
5.) Work 40 hrs per week in the Biltmore Estate Winery for two months...June14-July 30ish.
6.) Sell ads for Out in Asheville magazine. Commission only.
I've got a few other entrepreneur ideas, but I don't know how legit they'd be. I thought about prostituting, but c'mon. I can't even handle it, so that was never a serious thought. HA.
I'm hoping to come up with some more stuff, but my checks from school working will be coming in soon and help me out. I don't want to just end up out of the negative. I want to end up in the positive, you know?
Stevo and I have been watching some Youtube since I hadn't even seen JT's videos. We watched some Fiona and she seems possessed when she sings. I find that kind of funny. She's witchy, you know, like Stevie Nicks. Mm.
Anyway, that's the news for now. We've got a lot more to get done today, so I'm going to sign off, but thanks again for reading. More posts soon.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
out and about
I got my keys locked in my car today, but it was no biggie. The director of the 4-H camp center helped me out by taking Stevo on to class. I hung out with Stephen and Casey, incidentally, since she was driving back from Asheville. It was a good time.
Now, I'm at Chase's hanging with Jon, Evan, Stephen, Casey, and soon to be here, Travis. I think we're going to the Cabaret for a minute and then, hopefully, I'll be coming home. There's lots of organizing to finish.
Chase's house is really nice. I hadn't been in here; he moved from his old house.
That's the beat for now.
Now, I'm at Chase's hanging with Jon, Evan, Stephen, Casey, and soon to be here, Travis. I think we're going to the Cabaret for a minute and then, hopefully, I'll be coming home. There's lots of organizing to finish.
Chase's house is really nice. I hadn't been in here; he moved from his old house.
That's the beat for now.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
i woke up with a headache like my head against a board, half as cloudy as I'd been the night before...
Changed the lyric, since I feel only half as bad as yesterday. I've been up for a few minutes now, sipping on a Coke and typing so much that Carpel Tunnel will be knocking at my door.
I'm on my way to pick up Stevo, my friend from home. He got another DUI and he was only just legal for about a month. That's 2 in 2 years. He'll have jailtime, but he's thinking about going to rehab, too. That's a good idea, I think.
Anyway. More later.
I'm on my way to pick up Stevo, my friend from home. He got another DUI and he was only just legal for about a month. That's 2 in 2 years. He'll have jailtime, but he's thinking about going to rehab, too. That's a good idea, I think.
Anyway. More later.
Monday, May 14, 2007
what is morality?
: Intolerance is the most socially acceptable form of egotism, for it permits us to assume superiority without personal boasting.
Sydney J. Harris
: A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.
Lawrence G. Lovasik
: Jealousy is the fear or apprehension of superiority: envy our uneasiness under it.
William Shenstone
: The end never really justifies the meanness. -E. Duane Hulse.
And, my personal favorite:
: Morality is simply the attitude we adopt toward people whom we personally dislike.
Oscar Wilde
Sydney J. Harris
: A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.
Lawrence G. Lovasik
: Jealousy is the fear or apprehension of superiority: envy our uneasiness under it.
William Shenstone
: The end never really justifies the meanness. -E. Duane Hulse.
And, my personal favorite:
: Morality is simply the attitude we adopt toward people whom we personally dislike.
Oscar Wilde
home again, home again
Well, I missed last Thursday's Drinking Liberally because there was simply too much going on. Friday, however, I made it to meet my mother to give her a carload of junk from my dorm room, to VW's house for a cook-in (V's mom was there from Kansas), and to see Kat Williams singing the blues at La Rues. It was great. Later that night, I realized I was starting to get sick.
Saturday, the moms, Jen's grandmother, Jen and I went to Malaprops to see Rue McLanahan. Oh man, it was awesome. She looks just the same, and we got a picture with her. She was awfully tired by the end of the book-signing, but that didn't stop her from letting the line go all the way through. Mom bought her book for $2.15 more in large print. She kills me. We went to T.G.I.Friday's for dinner and I came back to their room to get my frogs.
Oh yeah. The frogs. We bought two: Gilgamesh and Enkidu, and sure enough, Gilgie was being a big baby, thinking he's a god, hiding in the sea shell all damn day. Subsequently, he died, and we went back to buy a younger, more lively frog, which I named Utanapishtim, which is also from The Epic, but it means "he who has found life."
If you don't remember Utan, he's the one in the story that Gilgamesh finally made it to meet (after Enkidu's death), and he was supposed to live forever. He was spared by the Flood and he set Gilgamesh up with a test to brink Enkidu back to life. Of course, Gilgamesh failed.
I guess, even though I didn't want any frogs to die, it does the story justice that this time, in my tank, Enkidu survived instead of dying at the wish of Gilgamesh's mother. In the story, Enkidu died for Gilgamesh, and in my tank, Enkidu and Little Utan live. They grab life by the horns, ladies and gentlemen, and I love them both very much.
I'm also taking care of Jen's fish, Edgar, for a while. The things you do for love...ah. :)
So, now, I'm home, coughing, sneezing, and drinking a Coke. I'm getting ready to go to sleep to the sound of Bill Hicks: Sane Man in the background. Tomorrow brings less snot, with any luck.
Thanks for reading. Take care.
Saturday, the moms, Jen's grandmother, Jen and I went to Malaprops to see Rue McLanahan. Oh man, it was awesome. She looks just the same, and we got a picture with her. She was awfully tired by the end of the book-signing, but that didn't stop her from letting the line go all the way through. Mom bought her book for $2.15 more in large print. She kills me. We went to T.G.I.Friday's for dinner and I came back to their room to get my frogs.
Oh yeah. The frogs. We bought two: Gilgamesh and Enkidu, and sure enough, Gilgie was being a big baby, thinking he's a god, hiding in the sea shell all damn day. Subsequently, he died, and we went back to buy a younger, more lively frog, which I named Utanapishtim, which is also from The Epic, but it means "he who has found life."
If you don't remember Utan, he's the one in the story that Gilgamesh finally made it to meet (after Enkidu's death), and he was supposed to live forever. He was spared by the Flood and he set Gilgamesh up with a test to brink Enkidu back to life. Of course, Gilgamesh failed.
I guess, even though I didn't want any frogs to die, it does the story justice that this time, in my tank, Enkidu survived instead of dying at the wish of Gilgamesh's mother. In the story, Enkidu died for Gilgamesh, and in my tank, Enkidu and Little Utan live. They grab life by the horns, ladies and gentlemen, and I love them both very much.
I'm also taking care of Jen's fish, Edgar, for a while. The things you do for love...ah. :)
So, now, I'm home, coughing, sneezing, and drinking a Coke. I'm getting ready to go to sleep to the sound of Bill Hicks: Sane Man in the background. Tomorrow brings less snot, with any luck.
Thanks for reading. Take care.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
asheville break
My lover and I went to the WaHo this morning and had our usual All Star Special. We got to hold a baby that was in the next booth. His name was Issac and he sucked on Jen's finger with his one tooth that's sprouting. He kept making faces at me and when I stuck my tongue out, he smiled and drooled all over the place. His mom said that we should definitely think about having one. I told her I was going to wait a little while, but maybe sooner than later, we would go to the bank.
We saw Dr. David Hopes in his yard. He was watering flowers and I yelled out, "Hey, Dr. Hopes!" He smiled very big and waved in a gayish way to us. We were going to stop by, but Jen wouldn't let me.
Last night was the Women's Studies party of which only Dr. H. and I showed up. Then, mysteriously, the only girl in the class that didn't get the email happened to eat there and so she joined us. Lori and I drank Scout Stout and we all went back to her place to see Belly, her dog, and the dog she's sitting, Boudreux. Fun was had by all.
Fun is seriously underrated. It's good to be able to have fun wherever you are, I think, even if you're uncomfortable, because you can enjoy yourself no matter what. I think Stevo is probably the most comfortable person I know. I mean, he's insecure, just like everyone is to some extent, but that doesn't stop him from just being himself. I can't wait to be home again and see my friends there, though I'm going to miss everyone here.
I'm probably going to be in Asheville for most of the summer, which will be great because I'll be able to attend Drinking Liberally and hang out with my new friends there. What great people! Big hearts to Susan, Felicity, Gordon, Kai, Aric, Jeff, and everyone else whose names escape me.
We saw Dr. David Hopes in his yard. He was watering flowers and I yelled out, "Hey, Dr. Hopes!" He smiled very big and waved in a gayish way to us. We were going to stop by, but Jen wouldn't let me.
Last night was the Women's Studies party of which only Dr. H. and I showed up. Then, mysteriously, the only girl in the class that didn't get the email happened to eat there and so she joined us. Lori and I drank Scout Stout and we all went back to her place to see Belly, her dog, and the dog she's sitting, Boudreux. Fun was had by all.
Fun is seriously underrated. It's good to be able to have fun wherever you are, I think, even if you're uncomfortable, because you can enjoy yourself no matter what. I think Stevo is probably the most comfortable person I know. I mean, he's insecure, just like everyone is to some extent, but that doesn't stop him from just being himself. I can't wait to be home again and see my friends there, though I'm going to miss everyone here.
I'm probably going to be in Asheville for most of the summer, which will be great because I'll be able to attend Drinking Liberally and hang out with my new friends there. What great people! Big hearts to Susan, Felicity, Gordon, Kai, Aric, Jeff, and everyone else whose names escape me.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
crazy for feeling so blue
I've started packing most of my room, and I don't have too much more to pack before I leave. I've got one exam left, and a presentation for Women's Health, and that is tomorrow, so I'll be preparing for it today.
The final Women's Studies meeting is today, and it begins at 6 p.m., so I'll be glad to attend that, especially since I planned the event.
I had some crazy dreams last night, one involving a chainsaw and Brilliant said I was talking in my sleep this morning. I must do this a lot, but I never really know what I'm saying. It's almost like finding out about your drunken night of which someone kept track, since you weren't able.
When I woke up this morning, I watched some of the Buncombe County channel including the newscast from UNCA. I was impressed and disappointed, I guess, because it was nice looking and the camera interviews were very professional looking, but the newscasters spoke with no enthusiasm or emphasis. It did give me a good look at what I'd be doing if I worked in there.
I guess that's all for now. I still need to post my articles, of course. Who knows? Maybe I'll get to that today.
Thanks for reading. Tune in later.
The final Women's Studies meeting is today, and it begins at 6 p.m., so I'll be glad to attend that, especially since I planned the event.
I had some crazy dreams last night, one involving a chainsaw and Brilliant said I was talking in my sleep this morning. I must do this a lot, but I never really know what I'm saying. It's almost like finding out about your drunken night of which someone kept track, since you weren't able.
When I woke up this morning, I watched some of the Buncombe County channel including the newscast from UNCA. I was impressed and disappointed, I guess, because it was nice looking and the camera interviews were very professional looking, but the newscasters spoke with no enthusiasm or emphasis. It did give me a good look at what I'd be doing if I worked in there.
I guess that's all for now. I still need to post my articles, of course. Who knows? Maybe I'll get to that today.
Thanks for reading. Tune in later.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
you sucked up all the oxygen, how do you still breathe?
This post has been removed as I do not participate in pettiness.
It was put on after a voicemail pronouncing me dead.
It was put on after a voicemail pronouncing me dead.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
waters of the head
Today is the Headwaters launch party, but unfortunately, due to computer and printing problems, the new issue will not be in today. I know this because my lover is privy to this top secret confidential information. They do have a proof, though, so it shouldn't be long. Probably middle of May. I'm reading "Pissed Off" at the party, and my mom is going to come to see the whole thing.
I'll send her back with books and gadgets I won't need for the next week. It should lighten my home-bound traveling load. Who knows, with ramblers like me?
I'm working on my last article for newswriting, and I'm doing it on biodiesel. If you didn't know, there are several pumps around Asheville, and they are sprouting up all over the world, actually. If you own a diesel car, you can easily switch to biodiesel, and if not, you can get a diesel engine put in OR use the gasoline-alternative, Ethanol 85. I'm still looking for someone to interview that uses biodiesel in his/her car, so if that person sounds like you, please contact me or comment on this blog.
Speaking of alternatives, I bought a menstrual solution. It's a Diva Cup, like the Keeper, I've heard. It's pretty cool, and I like it, especially in conjunction with the Glad Rags that I've been using as an alternative to maxi-pads. Good stuff. All cotton, washable, fragrance free, and NO dri-weave. (Which is good since that shit can give you a rash. Moisture, you know?) Anyway, I also have some organic natural tampons that I'm trying out instead of the bleachy tampacular devices I'm used to. Anyway, I highly recommend these alternatives, because not only are they either reusable or better for you, they can save you a lot of money. The Diva Cup and Glad Rags, especially. Everybody's lookin' to save some cash, right? So, you can support local artists or economy, right? Super.
Anyway, yeah. I still need to post the VT story, but I haven't been able to locate my flash drive on that.
Other news: Drinking Liberally is tonight at the Asheville Brewing Co. on Coxe Ave. if anyone wants to come. It should be a good time. There are new candidates to discuss, and Susan will be back from Florida. (She's my favorite of the women...well, she and Felicity, but Susan is usually there.) Looking Glass is the choice pitcher for the DLs, so there's another reason for you to come out.
My zine turned out well, except, looking back, I found a bunch of typos, and I was disappointed with myself about that. I think I'll keep revising it because I've had a few revelations to add since I turned it in. When I get it revised to where I like it, I'll go to Kinko's and get copies made for anyone who needs to know about the voice of feminism in stand-up comedy. There was tons of information out there, so the topic really deserves to really be done justice by yours truly.
Women's Studies is over, and I'm planning a party in place of the final period because I want to leave it with a bang instead of an "oh shit..." Yeah. Emails will be sent and beers will be imbibed, at least by me.
I guess that's the news for now. Take care and thanks for reading.
(P.S. During spell-check, it showed newswriting as misspelled, but it offered nauseating as a fill-in. So...yeah.)
I'll send her back with books and gadgets I won't need for the next week. It should lighten my home-bound traveling load. Who knows, with ramblers like me?
I'm working on my last article for newswriting, and I'm doing it on biodiesel. If you didn't know, there are several pumps around Asheville, and they are sprouting up all over the world, actually. If you own a diesel car, you can easily switch to biodiesel, and if not, you can get a diesel engine put in OR use the gasoline-alternative, Ethanol 85. I'm still looking for someone to interview that uses biodiesel in his/her car, so if that person sounds like you, please contact me or comment on this blog.
Speaking of alternatives, I bought a menstrual solution. It's a Diva Cup, like the Keeper, I've heard. It's pretty cool, and I like it, especially in conjunction with the Glad Rags that I've been using as an alternative to maxi-pads. Good stuff. All cotton, washable, fragrance free, and NO dri-weave. (Which is good since that shit can give you a rash. Moisture, you know?) Anyway, I also have some organic natural tampons that I'm trying out instead of the bleachy tampacular devices I'm used to. Anyway, I highly recommend these alternatives, because not only are they either reusable or better for you, they can save you a lot of money. The Diva Cup and Glad Rags, especially. Everybody's lookin' to save some cash, right? So, you can support local artists or economy, right? Super.
Anyway, yeah. I still need to post the VT story, but I haven't been able to locate my flash drive on that.
Other news: Drinking Liberally is tonight at the Asheville Brewing Co. on Coxe Ave. if anyone wants to come. It should be a good time. There are new candidates to discuss, and Susan will be back from Florida. (She's my favorite of the women...well, she and Felicity, but Susan is usually there.) Looking Glass is the choice pitcher for the DLs, so there's another reason for you to come out.
My zine turned out well, except, looking back, I found a bunch of typos, and I was disappointed with myself about that. I think I'll keep revising it because I've had a few revelations to add since I turned it in. When I get it revised to where I like it, I'll go to Kinko's and get copies made for anyone who needs to know about the voice of feminism in stand-up comedy. There was tons of information out there, so the topic really deserves to really be done justice by yours truly.
Women's Studies is over, and I'm planning a party in place of the final period because I want to leave it with a bang instead of an "oh shit..." Yeah. Emails will be sent and beers will be imbibed, at least by me.
I guess that's the news for now. Take care and thanks for reading.
(P.S. During spell-check, it showed newswriting as misspelled, but it offered nauseating as a fill-in. So...yeah.)
Friday, April 27, 2007
newswriting, slanty eyed mama and more
So, I finally got a 9 on a news story for class, and I do think it was deserved. I think I'll post it here, as soon as I can figure out which jump drive I put it on. I have so many these days.
I'm going to buy an iPod from this girl in my building. She's selling everything attached for pretty cheap, but it's 2 gigs. If I was going to have all my music on an iPod, I'd have to buy one that was 80 gigs or more. I have so much now. Too much to listen to, but if I want to hear something, I can damn well find it.
So, I hear that the Senate voted to have a timetable for troops to leave Iraq, but Bush vetoed it. I don't really know why he's pressing the issue. He's almost done. Get over yourself and let the next person elected clean up your fucking mess. It's obvious now that we can't just "pull out" of Iraq after coming in and attempting change over there, but come on. I have some friends there, some friends of mine have fathers there...etc. It would be nice to say we had never gone, but now that we have, now that Bush wants to make everyone else like us, because we're so fucking great, we've got a much larger problem on our hands than we can efficiently manage. At least with him still in office.
I didn't attend Drinking Liberally last night. Instead, I went to see Slanty Eyed Mama in the Humanities Lecture Hall. It was really good, despite technical difficulties at first, and I think I'll be able to use their performance in my 'zine. Luckily, Grace was there, and asked whether or not they were feminists. Kate's answer was sufficient, but she managed to say they are all inclusive and probably everything-ists. Later she said, "Whatever your ism is..." I thought that was cute. I have to say that these women were gorgeous. It doesn't matter, but it's true. I'm so happy that I went. The music was controversial and politically correct. And Kate was super-intelligent and pretty articulate. She said "dope" and "hot" and some other things that I found funny. They are going to be playing at the Smithsonian as keynote speakers! I love when smart women wail all over the mic. How refreshing!
That's all for now. Tune in later.
I'm going to buy an iPod from this girl in my building. She's selling everything attached for pretty cheap, but it's 2 gigs. If I was going to have all my music on an iPod, I'd have to buy one that was 80 gigs or more. I have so much now. Too much to listen to, but if I want to hear something, I can damn well find it.
So, I hear that the Senate voted to have a timetable for troops to leave Iraq, but Bush vetoed it. I don't really know why he's pressing the issue. He's almost done. Get over yourself and let the next person elected clean up your fucking mess. It's obvious now that we can't just "pull out" of Iraq after coming in and attempting change over there, but come on. I have some friends there, some friends of mine have fathers there...etc. It would be nice to say we had never gone, but now that we have, now that Bush wants to make everyone else like us, because we're so fucking great, we've got a much larger problem on our hands than we can efficiently manage. At least with him still in office.
I didn't attend Drinking Liberally last night. Instead, I went to see Slanty Eyed Mama in the Humanities Lecture Hall. It was really good, despite technical difficulties at first, and I think I'll be able to use their performance in my 'zine. Luckily, Grace was there, and asked whether or not they were feminists. Kate's answer was sufficient, but she managed to say they are all inclusive and probably everything-ists. Later she said, "Whatever your ism is..." I thought that was cute. I have to say that these women were gorgeous. It doesn't matter, but it's true. I'm so happy that I went. The music was controversial and politically correct. And Kate was super-intelligent and pretty articulate. She said "dope" and "hot" and some other things that I found funny. They are going to be playing at the Smithsonian as keynote speakers! I love when smart women wail all over the mic. How refreshing!
That's all for now. Tune in later.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
schopenhauer and school daze
I'm working today in the lab, and I've managed to finish "Schopenhauer in 90 minutes" in about 160 minutes. Happily, I have underlined much of this book and decided to order several of the series, which may or may not be a bad idea.
Drinking Liberally is tonight in the good 'ole Asheville sector. From 7-10, I'll be talking politics and drinking beers. Can't wait for a slice of that good pizza from the Brewing Co.
I'm beginning to really think about the zine I'm going to do for Women's Studies. I want to do it with a thesis something like, "Stand up comedy can provide a voice for feminism and educate the public." I think since comedians that aren't owned by any major corporations really can say what they want and have a free space for social and political commentary. They can be political activists, figures, artists in and of themselves. Margaret Cho is like this, for sure. It's pretty exciting. I'm going to do Cho and Kate Clinton, the fumerist, at least. I'll have to do a lot of research and include my own commentary within the zine. I'll interview people around campus, too.
I guess in Women's Health, we're going to be doing sterilization as our project. We will talk about it for 25-30 minutes, and I suspect a PowerPoint presentation is in order. I believe that's next week, but it's crazy because we get out of exams on the 10th of May. It seems there's still much to be done.
I'm doing an article for my news writing class about the reactions to the shooting at VT. I'm collecting interviews today and I'm hoping it will be a good piece.
I saw Ira Glass last Friday and it was amazing. He talked a lot about radio, which is what I'll want to do eventually, radio or film, respectively. He went way over time, which I didn't mind, except that I had to piss and it was beginning to snow.
The weather around here has been insane. I don't know who's in charge.
Last night, the sorority girls played touch football outside of my dorm, on the field, and there were a bunch of guys sitting up near the main door watching them and drinking beer. I don't know if the sororities really welcome spectating, but it seemed like they were having a blast out there. I usually speak to everyone but I remained unfriendly to the guys because they were only stargazing and it pissed me off.
I don't see women lined up to watch them play anything. Good.
Oooh! An eighties dance will ensue this Friday night, I believe, and I don't know what kind of clothing I have to work with, but I want to be there. A friend of mine is going to DJ, and he's a really cool guy. I definitely want to be supportive of him. It's going to be at the Grey Eagle, and I assume there will be a cover charge of sorts.
I guess that's all the news for now. Thanks for reading.
Drinking Liberally is tonight in the good 'ole Asheville sector. From 7-10, I'll be talking politics and drinking beers. Can't wait for a slice of that good pizza from the Brewing Co.
I'm beginning to really think about the zine I'm going to do for Women's Studies. I want to do it with a thesis something like, "Stand up comedy can provide a voice for feminism and educate the public." I think since comedians that aren't owned by any major corporations really can say what they want and have a free space for social and political commentary. They can be political activists, figures, artists in and of themselves. Margaret Cho is like this, for sure. It's pretty exciting. I'm going to do Cho and Kate Clinton, the fumerist, at least. I'll have to do a lot of research and include my own commentary within the zine. I'll interview people around campus, too.
I guess in Women's Health, we're going to be doing sterilization as our project. We will talk about it for 25-30 minutes, and I suspect a PowerPoint presentation is in order. I believe that's next week, but it's crazy because we get out of exams on the 10th of May. It seems there's still much to be done.
I'm doing an article for my news writing class about the reactions to the shooting at VT. I'm collecting interviews today and I'm hoping it will be a good piece.
I saw Ira Glass last Friday and it was amazing. He talked a lot about radio, which is what I'll want to do eventually, radio or film, respectively. He went way over time, which I didn't mind, except that I had to piss and it was beginning to snow.
The weather around here has been insane. I don't know who's in charge.
Last night, the sorority girls played touch football outside of my dorm, on the field, and there were a bunch of guys sitting up near the main door watching them and drinking beer. I don't know if the sororities really welcome spectating, but it seemed like they were having a blast out there. I usually speak to everyone but I remained unfriendly to the guys because they were only stargazing and it pissed me off.
I don't see women lined up to watch them play anything. Good.
Oooh! An eighties dance will ensue this Friday night, I believe, and I don't know what kind of clothing I have to work with, but I want to be there. A friend of mine is going to DJ, and he's a really cool guy. I definitely want to be supportive of him. It's going to be at the Grey Eagle, and I assume there will be a cover charge of sorts.
I guess that's all the news for now. Thanks for reading.
here's the thing
THIS WAS WRITTEN TWO WEEKS AGO, BUT I THINK MY BLOG WAS HIJACKED.
I have a home online to post my most personal thoughts, but I figure it is time to update and give my friends something to read. We'll see how that works.
I'm at work and I've gotten a lot done today, considering. I have a meeting at 3:15 with disability services about a certain Flatton professor. I probably need to get off campus to go to CVS after that with my lover, (I almost typed liver, but surely my liver will go anywhere I do) and get some things picked up. Good times. I like the drive, even if the wind is working on Asheville right now.
Then, I get to go to "We Are Family" tonight where I will record GLBTQ families talking about their lives and hopefully get to interview a few of them for my article due tomorrow in class. The rest of the night will be preparing for that and figuring out what to drop from my 17 hour schedule for next semester. The truth is, I really don't want to drop anything, but I'm afraid my grades will suffer if I don't.
On my list of things to do today are both showering and dinner with question marks. Who knows. Showering takes a backseat to schoolwork and always has for me, here, but dinner is probably going to be necessary. We'll see what happens.
There's my first post. I'll add more soon.
I have a home online to post my most personal thoughts, but I figure it is time to update and give my friends something to read. We'll see how that works.
I'm at work and I've gotten a lot done today, considering. I have a meeting at 3:15 with disability services about a certain Flatton professor. I probably need to get off campus to go to CVS after that with my lover, (I almost typed liver, but surely my liver will go anywhere I do) and get some things picked up. Good times. I like the drive, even if the wind is working on Asheville right now.
Then, I get to go to "We Are Family" tonight where I will record GLBTQ families talking about their lives and hopefully get to interview a few of them for my article due tomorrow in class. The rest of the night will be preparing for that and figuring out what to drop from my 17 hour schedule for next semester. The truth is, I really don't want to drop anything, but I'm afraid my grades will suffer if I don't.
On my list of things to do today are both showering and dinner with question marks. Who knows. Showering takes a backseat to schoolwork and always has for me, here, but dinner is probably going to be necessary. We'll see what happens.
There's my first post. I'll add more soon.
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